


Reckless

by EiriniThalassa



Category: Grey's Anatomy, Station 19 (TV)
Genre: A little angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Feels, Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:29:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27410473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EiriniThalassa/pseuds/EiriniThalassa
Summary: Maya narrowly escapes injuries during an intervention and it (almost) proves too much for Carina.
Relationships: Maya Bishop/Carina DeLuca
Comments: 4
Kudos: 683





	Reckless

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t written angst in a while because generally I prefer writing tooth-rotting fluff for these two. However, these characters are so incredibly complex that I believe it would be a shame not to explore this angle as well, from time to time. 
> 
> But, as always in my fics - there’s a happy ending. :)
> 
> Also, I am pretty happy with this fic, but I’m curious to know if you agree with my interpretation of how Carina and Maya would react in a situation like this.
> 
> I don't own the characters.

Carina walked over to her office desk and sat down with a heavy sigh. Her hands immediately went up to her head and she started massaging her throbbing temples while also trying to ignore the dull pain in her stomach that just would not go away. She inhaled deeply a few times, but it was to no avail – she simply could not calm down. She clenched her jaw and shook her head, shocked at the turn her day had taken. When she woke up that morning, there was absolutely nothing to indicate what a nerve-racking day this would become. On the contrary – the day had started wonderfully - with a shared shower and breakfast with Maya before work.

But then, about three hours into her shift, the GreySloan ER had received a 9-1-1 call about multiple incoming injuries. The injuries were the result of an apartment building fire, and among the injured were also several firefighters of Station 19 – the Station that got called to respond - with one of the firefighters reported as being injured more severely. Unfortunately, the call had failed to mention the name of the more severely injured firefighter, and thus began the longest forty minutes of Carina’s life to date. She had tried to remain positive and calm herself down - she was no stranger to stressful situations, after all – but her efforts had proved futile. She simply could not shake off the feeling of impending doom. And the fact that Maya’s phone kept going straight to voicemail had only exacerbated the situation - even if, rationally, Carina knew that the chances of Maya actually answering her call, given the circumstances, were next to nothing.

Fortunately, in the end, the “more severe injury” that had been reported, had turned out to be “just” a broken leg; and although it had required surgery, it had not been life-threatening. And as for Maya, the only “injuries” she had sustained consisted of a few scrapes and bruises received as she tried to get to one of the people trapped under some fallen objects. However, just as Maya had walked into the E.R. with the rest of her team, Carina had been paged – emergency C-section – and so a shared glance accompanied by a swift _“I’m being paged”_ and “ _I’m fine, babe, don’t worry”_ , were the only exchange the two had managed to make before Carina had to rush away.

In hindsight, though, it may have been for the best because Carina was not entirely certain she would have been able to control her emotions around Maya at that moment; and an upset physician should not be something people should witness inside an E.R. Although, this had not been the first time that the woman she loved had been in danger, it had been the first time Carina had reacted to it in this way. When she heard about the collapse and the injured firefighters, something had shifted in her; and for the first time, she felt truly scared – terrified – of losing Maya.

It had been two hours since that emergency C-section and Carina had not seen Maya since – the blonde had gone back to the Station by the time she came out of the OR. However, between then and now, she had discovered some additional details about the intervention, and she did not like what she had learned. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes - she would have to talk to Maya about it. As that thought crossed her mind, there was a knock at her door. She had been expecting it.

“Come in.” she said, reopening her eyes.

“Hey, babe!” Maya greeted as she walked in, a smile on her face “Ready to head out?”

Before leaving for work that morning, they had agreed that Maya would come by the hospital after her shift, and that from there, they would go to Carina’s together.

“I am.” Carina said. “But, I think it would be best if we each went to our own place tonight.”

Instantly, Maya frowned. “Why? What’s wrong?” she asked. She was not expecting this. In fact, after the day she had had, she wanted nothing more than to spend the evening and night cuddled with her girlfriend; watching a movie, talking…

“Nothing’s wrong, Maya. It’s just been a very long day, and I am tired.” Carina returned. She knew that the blonde most likely was not going to buy that, but at that moment, it was the best “neutral” excuse she was able to come up with.

Naturally, Maya did **not** buy it. She inhaled deeply. “Fine.” she said. “If that’s what you want… But, you could at least tell me the _real_ reason why.” As she uttered that last part, she saw a flash in the brunette’s eyes that sent a cold shiver down her spine.

Carina shifted in her chair and turned to face Maya fully. Initially, she was not going to do this here and now, but Maya’s last comment had made her change her mind. “Close the door.” she said.

Maya did. Then, she returned to her previous spot – a few steps from Carina.

Carina took a quick breath. “You’re too careless.” she remarked matter-of-factly.

Maya’s eyes went wide. “Excuse me?!”

“You are too careless.” the Italian repeated. “You act and react without thinking, and you put yourself in danger much more than you should _.”_

 _‘She means_ reckless _.’_ a quick thought went through the blonde’s mind as she countered: “I am a firefighter, Carina. That’s what we do!”

“It’s not your job to jump from balcony to balcony without proper safety measures in place!” Carina retorted briskly before she could stop herself.

 _‘How the hell did she find out about that?!’_ Maya immediately thought to herself. “Who told you that?!” she asked.

“It doesn’t matter who told me, Maya. What matters is that I know!” the brunette returned promptly.

“For the record, I didn’t jump.” Maya suddenly felt the need to clarify. “I walked.”

“On the edge of a building!” Carina countered again; the mere thought of it making her stomach churn.

At one point during the intervention, Maya had decided to walk along the ledge of the building to get from the balcony she was on, onto the adjacent one in order to get into the apartment. And, if she was being honest with herself, she knew Carina was right, because there had been no smoke or fire coming from the inside - so she could have waited for the ladder that was being set up, and she could have let Gibson and Travis enter the apartment that way. But, she had not. And she had not because of that damned mantra her father had drilled into her brain - eyes forward at all times!

“I knew what I was doing!” she retorted in response to Carina’s remark - unfortunately, her tone sounded much harsher that she had it intended to.

“Really?! And what if you had slipped and fallen?!” the Italian challenged, her anger suddenly increasing as she stood up from her chair.

Maya could hear the fear lacing her girlfriend’s voice, and she knew that if the roles had been reversed, she would have felt the same. However, she forced herself to ignore it. Just as she had forced down the **real **reason why she had decided to walk on that ledge in the first place. Yes, there had been ‘the-eyes-forward’ aspect to it as well - as always with her - and sometimes, she honestly believed that she would never be able to get rid of it - but it had not been the real reason why. The real reason had been something else. Something much more important – something Maya had been too scared to face.

“But, I didn’t!” she all but shouted as she tried to chase away that reason from her mind.

“But, you could have!” Carina insisted, her voice cracking slightly.

Maya gasped softly in surprise as she heard it, but she did not say anything.

“Did you stop to think about the people in your life before you decided to do it?!” Carina now asked. “How they would feel if you had slipped and fallen down?!”.

By now, she was crying, but she did not care. She had not planned to go down this path - especially not here in her office, and not today - but now that she had, she was determined to see it through. Regardless of the consequences.

“Did you stop to think about me?! About how **I** would feel if something happened to you?!” the brunette continued, desperation clear in her voice. “Do you even care?!”

As Carina uttered that last part, Maya winced as if she had been burned. “Of course I care, Carina! I love you!” she returned vehemently.

Carina smiled sadly, through tears. “Then, why did you do it, Maya?! Why did you decide to risk injury - or worse - unnecessarily?!”

“Because it won’t last!” Maya blurted out on instinct, swallowing hard.

The Italian frowned in confusion. She was at a loss. She did not understand what Maya was referring to. “What won’t last?” she asked.

Maya clenched her jaw, tears starting. “This. Us. Eventually, you’ll leave.” she choked out, casting her eyes down.

There it was – the **real** reason. Her biggest fear and worst nightmare – Carina leaving her, because she was not good enough. Because she was not worthy of happiness; not worthy of love. She had finally uttered it aloud.

“ _Cosa?!_ ” Carina gasped in response, looking at the blonde as if suddenly she had grown another head. “You… I… _Non puo’ essere… Ma, e’ pazzesco!_ ” she stuttered, as she tried – and failed - to make sense of what she had just heard.

She sat back down, and for a few moments, she just stared at her girlfriend of four months in mute disbelief. The girlfriend that still refused to meet her gaze.

“So, what… You were afraid I was going to leave you, and so you were trying to _make_ me leave you, instead?!” Carina mused, desperately trying to make sense of Maya’s reasoning with the blonde still refusing to look at her. “Do you realize how crazy that sounds, Maya?!”

Maya knew Carina was right, but she could not help herself. “I told you a little after we first met - I’m broken!” she finally uttered, but still without looking at Carina.

“Well, if that’s the case, then why didn’t you just let me leave that day?! Why close the door and apologize?” the brunette suddenly challenged. “Because, if you hadn't stopped me, I would have left and never bothered you again.” she said.

It was something Carina never thought she would ever say aloud. And, at that instant, blue eyes flew up to meet hers again – the mere thought of Carina leaving forever had made Maya’s insides freeze. She did not doubt the Italian’s words, and they stung. Carina could see it, but she remained silent. She waited for Maya’s answer.

“Because the thought of not seeing you again scared me and because I hated myself for hurting you. But, I never thought that…” the blonde suddenly choked on her words.

“You never thought _what_ , Maya?” Carina encouraged as she stood up again, her voice much softer now. She felt her heart miss a beat.

“I never thought that you would mean so much to me, and that I would love you as much as I do!” Maya admitted.

Carina swallowed hard. “But, why were you trying to make me leave you then?!” she breathed out. She knew why - or at least she hoped she did - and selfishly, she wanted to hear it.

“Because I’m scared, Carina! Alright?! I’m scared!” Maya all but shouted in response; frustration getting the better of her – she had never felt so exposed, so vulnerable before. “I love you so much it scares the hell out of me, and I’m terrified of losing you! You happy now!?”

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Carina could not suppress the smile. “Actually, I am. I am _very_ happy.” she admitted earnestly as she stepped closer to the blonde. She knew what a huge confession this was and it made her tremendously happy. “Look, Maya, we both know that no one can say what is going to happen in the future, but for what it’s worth, I have no plans of leaving you.”

Maya gave her a small but sad smile that made the brunette’s heart clench. “Everyone leaves me, eventually. Besides, you’re a free spirit.”

Carina shook her head. “But, I don’t want to leave you.” she reiterated as she took another half a step forward and hesitantly reached for Maya’s hand, relieved when she did not pull it back and she also felt her relax slightly. “I love you, bella.” she uttered adoringly as she interlaced their fingers together, feeling Maya instantly melt into her touch. Now, they faces were only inches apart. “And, the reason why I’ve moved around so much is because I have never had a reason to stay. But, now I do. And, I’m not going anywhere.”

Now, Maya beamed. “You mean it?” she whispered, her voice conveying so much more than just words.

Carina returned her smile instinctively. “I do.” she nodded, her voice filled with nothing but certainty. 

Finally, the last remaining remnant of the last remaining wall that Maya had built around her heart - came crumbling down. And, suddenly, she felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She felt liberated. Free. “I love you, Carina... So much!” she rasped emotionally.

Without wasting another beat, and with her smile even brighter than just moments ago, Carina leaned in and closed the distance between them in a breathtaking kiss.

As brown met blue again, she whispered breathlessly: “I love you too, bella! _Ti amo tantissimo!_ But, I need you to promise me something.”

“Anything!” Maya returned on instinct.

“I know your job involves a lot of risk and I accept that. I may not like it, but I accept it. I also know how much you love your job, and I want you to know that I am incredibly proud of you for all that you do. But, I need you to promise me that you’ll be more careful from now on, and that you won’t put yourself in any kind of unnecessary danger. Because, I’m scared of losing you too!” the brunette said.

She did not like showing her insecurities and her vulnerable side any more than Maya did. However, they were both aware of the undeniable fact that this conversation had changed that – at least, as far as the two of them and their relationship were concerned. And, what was perhaps even more important, they were both more than alright with that.

“When we received the 9-1-1 today and they didn’t tell us the name of the more seriously injured freighter, I was terrified that it was you. For those forty minutes, I could barely think straight and I couldn’t stop shaking.” Carina admitted.

Maya clenched her jaw. Guilt flooded her. “I’m sorry, Car. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” she offered earnestly.

“I know. Promise me!” Carina repeated her earlier words, almost pleadingly.

Maya melted. Looking deeply into those chocolate brown eyes she had come to adore, her hand holding Carina’s tightly, she rasped: “I promise!” And, she meant it.

The Italian smiled. Maya’s words had finally managed to calm her down, for the first time since that morning. And even more importantly, she believed them. “Thank you, bella.” she said.

Maya shook her head. “No, babe, thank **you**!”

For a few moments, they stayed like that - in silence, just looking at each other.

Then, as a telling smile appeared on her face and a mischievous glint flashed in her eyes, Maya asked: “So, you still want to be alone tonight?”

“What do you think?” Carina quipped, suggestively.

“I think I am having Nutella pancakes for breakfast tomorrow.” the blonde returned promptly, showing off her dimples.

The Italian chuckled. “Do you, now?”

Maya nodded. “Aha.”

“I see. And, who’s gonna make them for you?” Carina asked as she walked over to the coat rack, hung up her lab coat and put on her jacket.

Maya waited until Carina turned around and looked at her again. Then, she said: “My incredibly hot, gorgeous, Italian girlfriend!”

Carina grinned widely as she walked back to her and laced their fingers together again. “Play your cards right, and they may even have some strawberries and whipped cream on the side.” she remarked with a knowing wink as she led them toward the door.

**Author's Note:**

> So, what do you say – did I get it right or not?
> 
> Thank you for reading! Take care!


End file.
